Exam essay

At the beginning of the 2014-15 school year, I believed I was an excellent writer because of the accolades I earned from scholastic journalism and my position as news editor of the Southwest Shadow, a student-run publication that has been recognized by the Journalism Education Association (JEA) and National Scholastic Press Association (NSPA) as a 2014 online pacemaker recipient. Reflecting upon the past nine months, I have matured as a critical reader and writer, which is evident in the work that I produced for the time being.

When I walked into the English 11 honors classroom on that crisp August day, I had expectations of the course that would soon be surpassed as we progressed into the school year. Initially, I knew there was so much more to learn about the English language. I knew I could improve, but I had thought I was such an excellent writer that I wouldn’t need much improving. However, when my first essay was returned, I was disappointed by the grade I received. I couldn’t believe I had earned the grade that I got.

In response, I took the time to trace the steps I took to produce my writing material and thoroughly reviewed my in-class reflections to see where I had gone wrong. I realized that I did not follow the outline that Mr. Robert Davis, my English instructor, had provided the class with. I didn’t understand the effectiveness of organizing my ideas into a graphic organizer until after this assignment, and slowly began to etch it into my mannerisms to improve my writing skills. Reflecting upon this idea, it is evident that following an outline honed my skills as a writer. It made my ideas sharper and clearer to the audience.

For instance, my summer essay from quarter one is not as concise with its ideas as the essay I submitted in quarter three, another character analysis for an outside reading novel. For one, the grade I received for the essays show that, over time, I began earning better grades. The essay I wrote in quarter one received a 78% while the essay I wrote in quarter three earned an 84%, a 6% difference in less than a few months.

Reflecting on the passages itself, the thesis statements show the most improvement. Below are the thesis statements for both essays:

Quarter one: Using the prominent theme of accomplishment, his story illustrates the notion that the potential for success can be easily accessed to any and all individuals who go looking for it.

Quarter three: The theme in E. Lockhart’s “We Were Liars” displays the deception behind a seemingly perfect and distinguished family.

Although the thesis statement I wrote for quarter one appears longer, the quarter three thesis statement is shorter and more effective. It is more concise and reaches the point quicker than the first quarter thesis statement, and sets the tone for the rest of the essay. It allows the reader to understand what the rest of the material may be about in a shorter sentence, making it more effective overall.

As stubborn as I was when I began the course, Mr. Davis opened my eyes to new concepts that could hone my skills as a writer. In the past year, he has guided me to earning a 2015 Gold Key Scholastic Writing award for a personal essay I wrote earlier this year in November, giving me the opportunity to be featured in a gallery at Springs Preserve. He has guided me with his ideas, using anecdotes, personal memories, stories of experience, etc., to relate them to English lessons and help me grasp the content better.

Additionally, another instance in which my writing has improved is my participation in the blog experiment. Mr. Davis was fully aware that I run my own, personal blog on the side to deposit my thoughts, feelings, words, etc. I believe this assignment was a project that helped myself and other individuals learn the purpose of their writing and how to write for an audience. The experiment allowed me to mature as a blogger, and he supplied me with advice on how to capture an idea and interpret it for an audience.

Overall, learning to write realistically, poetically, persuasively, etc., has allowed me to incorporate these different writing styles into essays that fit the format most appropriately. I am able to identify these styles of writing in the passages I read outside of school and can use the ideas learned in the classroom to apply in my everyday life. Most specifically, I enjoyed producing my realistic narrative in quarter four. It was the first time I tried to mimic the characteristics of a realistic narrative, composing a solid plot, and creating characters that would engage the reader.

In order to to further my progression as a writer in the upcoming school year, I must take into consideration the suggestions my next English instructor will give me. With high regard, I will follow the steps provided, regardless of the style I am used to. I will ensure productivity by writing reflections or documenting the lessons learned in class into a notebook that I will regularly look back to, a mistake I made this year for not regularly reviewing my notes. I am thrilled to continue my journey as a young writer entering my last year of high school. I anticipate the time I will be able to work with my next instructor to hone my skills sharper.

Reflection of the growth of my writing

The essays I selected to produce this reflection can be found below:

Quarter one
Quarter two
Quarter three
Quarter four

---

 

Prior to taking this course, I did not fully understand the effectiveness of organizing your ideas into formal and informal outlines and using them to guide your writing in the right direction. I thought it was pointless, and I wrote my first essay without following the one I wrote in class. I thought it was easier to write without a plan, but I was completely wrong. Following an outline shapes your writing and makes it sharper—my writing improved throughout the school year because I began to use this practice more frequently. If you take note of the grades received from quarter one to quarter four, you can see how well I have become at putting my ideas into words.

Without sounding boastful, I believe I can easily engage the audience using anecdotes from the past. My English instructor did this quite often during his lectures, engaging the classroom into the discussion and causing me to listen. I followed this simple task and it allowed me to build a connection with my audience and make my writing appear more relatable and realistic. I was able to draw in readers and attract their attention by opening my essays with a killer hook sentence, which is usually followed by a focused, on-point thesis statement that is clear and concise. For example, in my third quarter essay, I relate the theme of deception in my book analysis essay to how it applies in society. By doing this, I can imagine my readers connecting with my character and grasping the context of the story.

Consequently, the thesis statement opens up a discussion and sets the tone for the rest of the essay. I have learned a lot about creating an effective thesis statement, and I am sure there is more to learn about writing a good one. However, I must say that I have improved a lot, especially in this area of expertise. I used to list ideas in my thesis statement, which, according to Mr. Davis, is inaccurate. He advised me to focus on one main idea and to address it in the thesis statement. I do this without question now, but I never thought it’d be as effective as it came to be.

Below are my thesis statements for each quarter.

Quarter 1: Using the prominent theme of accomplishment, his story illustrates the notion that the potential for success can be easily accessed to any and all individuals who go looking for it.

Quarter 2: The city life is certainly better than the country life, as it offers the individual many more opportunities to thrive and grow as an individual.

Quarter 3: The theme in E. Lockhart’s “We Were Liars” displays the deception behind a seemingly perfect and distinguished family.

Quarter 4: Her lips meet the fragile glass and she gulps a mighty dose of sleeping pills. She crawls into the bathtub and waits.

The first thesis statement appears to be very long and seems to drag on longer than it should. To be honest, I was a bit lost when I read it, because the ideas are not very clear and are all over the place. In the essay I wrote second quarter, it is evident how much my thesis statement is still somewhat similar to the first one. There appears to be no development there, until the third quarter thesis statement, because it seems more focused and confident. Finally, my fourth quarter essay thesis statement is effective because although it is a realistic narrative, it tells the audience what the rest of the story is going to be about and invites the audience to keep reading along to find out what happens.

By using my knowledge of persuasion, description, and exemplification to develop my body paragraphs, I am able to easily add more context and meat to the story. I can dress the characters, setting, and plot to my liking, and it all depends on who my audience is, which is what I have learned that I must identify first. All writing has a purpose, and, according to Mr. Davis, if you know who you are audience is, it is very likely you will get a positive response. By using the elements of persuasion, I am able to persuade the author and build my argument. I have learned a lot about the art of rhetoric, and it has enriched my ability to draw readers into my argument and make them hear my piece of my mind through my writing. It causes them to become skeptical, making them vulnerable to persuade. Finally, I used description to make my writing more attractive and appealing. When my writing is more descriptive, I have noticed that I earn a better grade than if I didn’t. I have come to the conclusion that good, descriptive writing is key into writing a successful essay.

As a writer, I feel that I have matured quite a lot. I am able to progress my ideas in a meaningful way by utilizing the skills I have attained from taking this course to my advantage. I have used my peers, Mr. Davis, google apps, etc., as a resource.

Google apps reflection

By using Google apps consistently throughout my three years of high school and more frequently in the English honors classroom, I began to rely on the app completely. It allowed me to sort through three years worth of school work, share documents simply by the click of a button, and receive digital comments and feedback from my educators.

Using google apps for projects and PBLs was never a question. To be frank, it was simpler to use google apps as a platform to network and share ideas with my peers. We shared documents, where we deposited our ideas, and utilized the option to open up a google chat to respond or ask questions. Over time, the number of documents began to flood my google drive completely, which required me to create folders for specific materials.

Consequently, this improved my organization skills and set me up for a more effective productivity rate. I expected more from my team-mates, and used the tools provided by google drive to ensure our materials were produced to the best of our abilities. For example, for our Great Gatsby project, we used one google document throughout the whole PBL period. It was easier that way, because we were able to select certain texts and give constructive feedback to our partners to improve our overall project. One tool that I used pretty prominently was the spell check, because words often get misspelled. The word count helped as well, but I really enjoyed being able to research directly on the document. It was more convenient that way, and helped me stay focused on one tab rather than two. I would only need to use one browser or tab.

In addition, one feature I admire about Google apps is the option to upload files that were not produced directly on the platform. This means that if I had materials on a drive, I was able to import it onto Google drive and share it with my peers and educators. Networking was literally at my fingertips! All I had to do was upload the files, such as an image or slideshow, and share it with my peers or educators.

Finally, the impact that Google apps had on my English learning experience was tremendously honorable. I owe it to Google apps for making it the best learning experience possible, because I believe it is more convenient for me. I believe I received the best education I could receive and Google apps was a resource I used prominently to make sure of it.

Realistic narrative evaluation

You can read my realistic narrative here.

Reflecting upon the realistic narrative I produced in quarter four, it properly demonstrates the characteristics of a realistic narrative because of the style that is written in, the characters featured in the story, the dialogue that is utilized, etc.

For one, it features realistic characters that ordinary people can relate to, making it more engaging for the audience. It allows the readers to connect to the characters of the story and build a relationship. It also makes it easier to follow along with the story and understand the moral of the message.

The setting is also in contribution to this theme, because although it is imaginary, it is real and very possible. The audience is able to easily depict where the story takes place and what it may look like. In my realistic narrative, the main character, Harper, is in the hospital. While it is not thoroughly described in the story, the audience knows what it looks like or has an idea of what it may look like. In the narrative, I provide a brief description of what the scene looks like. Harper is straddled in a hospital bed, wrapped in blankets and wearing a medical gown. The walls are white, like almost all hospital walls are, there are flowers on her bedside table, and a couch for her guests. Writing the story from a third person perspective allowed me to identify her through her actions and place emphasis on items and dialogue.

Overall, the plot of the story seemed realistic, due to the relevance of the topic and how frequent it appears in society. Cyber bullying happens all the time, every day. Often times, this leads to suicide, which happens more often that it should. Providing this in the story made the narrative seem more realistic, because it happens too often. To be frank, it feels like it may have actually happened when, in actuality, it is a work of fiction.

 

“Ballad of Birmingham” by Dudley Randall

“Mother dear, may I go downtown

Instead of out to play,

And march the streets of Birmingham

In a Freedom March today?”

“No, baby, no, you may not go,

For the dogs are fierce and wild,

And clubs and hoses, guns and jails

Aren’t good for a little child.”

“But, mother, I won’t be alone.

Other children will go with me,

And march the streets of Birmingham

To make our country free.”

“No, baby, no, you may not go,

For I fear those guns will fire.

But you may go to church instead

And sing in the children’s choir.”

She has combed and brushed her night-dark hair,

And bathed rose petal sweet,

And drawn white gloves on her small brown hands,

And white shoes on her feet.

The mother smiled to know her child

Was in the sacred place,

But that smile was the last smile

To come upon her face.

For when she heard the explosion,

Her eyes grew wet and wild.

She raced through the streets of Birmingham

Calling for her child.

She clawed through bits of glass and brick,

Then lifted out a shoe.

“O, here’s the shoe my baby wore,

But, baby, where are you?”

Dudley Randall, “Ballad of Birmingham” from Cities Burning. Copyright © 1968 by Dudley Randall. Reprinted with the permission of the Estate of Dudley Randall.

Source: Cities Burning (Broadside Press, 1968)

---

DIDLS

Diction: The words I bolded above are the words that struck me while reading this ballad. What I noted was the fact that most of these words are placed at the end of a line, where the sentence breaks. I feel as though Randall did this on purpose, to place more emphasis on that word or idea.

Imagery:

• She has combed and brushed her night-dark hair,
  And bathed rose petal sweet,
  And drawn white gloves on her small brown hands,
  And white shoes on her feet.

This stanza perfectly depicts the image that the author is trying to evoke from his audience. Just by reading these lines, I am able to imagine an angelic, beautiful and innocent child, sweet and young. The color white is known to represent purity, and by the way that the author uses that color to describe the child’s clothes, it is evident what kind of image he is trying to produce.

• For when she heard the explosion,
  Her eyes grew wet and wild.
  She raced through the streets of Birmingham
  Calling for her child.

The stanza provided above causes me to conjure up an idea of what the march may have been like if I hadn’t had any prior knowledge of it before. It is dramatic and effective, and it feels like I am there, at the march, observing the scene. It is not a pretty picture, and causes me to feel remorse for the woman who calls for her child. The author does a great job of describing her franticness to reunite with her child, describing her eyes as wet and wild.

Details: At the beginning of the ballad, it switches perspectives from the child to the mother. For example, the first verse starts with “Mother dear” while the second verse starts with “No, baby, no.” This simple transition allows us to peek into the minds of both roles, before the author chooses to write the ballad from a third person point of view.

Language: The language of the passage is as dramatic as a typical romance movie.  It is beautifully written in a way that intensely describes what’s happening in the story of the ballad, and the reader is taken on a journey that causes the to emotionally react to the poem very strongly.

Syntax: The author follows a rhyme scheme pattern, which appears to be consistent throughout the poem. The rhymes helped me understand the overall poem of the story.

Also, in the stanza below, the author begins the last three sentences with “and” which is effective in catching the reader’s attention.

• She has combed and brushed her night-dark hair,
  And bathed rose petal sweet,
  And drawn white gloves on her small brown hands,
  And white shoes on her feet.

 

 

“A New Kind of War” by Ernest Hemingway

SOAPSTone

Speaker: Ernest Hemingway, journalist

Occasion: Hotel Florida in Madrid, the Spanish capital—Madrid was under siege by General Franco’s Nationalist, Italy and Nazi Germany.

Audience: Everyday people; Hemingway was news gathering and reporting through his story. He profiled soldiers that were apart of the international brigades in his article, which became a resource to historians and other individuals.

Purpose: To illustrate and document the events that took place during this period.

Subject: the Spanish Civil War in the 1930s.

Tone: dramatic

DIDLS

Diction: these words and phrases illustrated a suspenseful and dramatic tone in his passage—explosive, gun, sprinting desperately, acrid smell, wounded, blood, miserable, suffered visibly.

The words he chose to describe certain moments in his article possessed extremely negative connotations, causing the reader to emotionally react to the article. 

Imagery: the sentences provided below evoked an image or prominent feeling.

• “… The roaring burst of a high explosive she’ll wakes you and you go to the window and look out to see a man, his head down, his coat collar up, sprinting desperately across the paved square.”

In the excerpt above, Hemingway writes in a style that allows the reader to picture what the scene looked like. This sentence perfectly captures the chaos and franticness of the moment by giving the reader a play by play. 

• “There is the acrid smell of high explosive you hoped you’d never smell again, and, in a bathrobe and bedroom slippers, you hurry down the marble stairs and almost into a middle aged woman, wounded in the abdomen, who is being helped into the hotel entrance by two men in blue workmen’s smocks.”

 Hemingway effectively uses the sight and smell sense to depict the moment perfectly for the reader. Just by reading the above excerpt, I am able to picture what the moment might have looked like and what kind of atmosphere he must have been in. 

• “A charwoman, her eyes red, is scrubbing the blood off the marble floor of the corridor.”

The sentence illustrates the horror of the article by depicting the actions and sights of the wounded. In particular, this sentence cause my mind to produce a concrete image of the scene and I imaged a middle aged woman frantically scrubbing blood off the once pretty, marble floor of the corridor. 

• “There were two arms crossed on the top of the mound and at one end there was something that had been a face, but now was a yellow scabby area with a bandage cross where the eyes had been.”

Hemingway provides a descriptive profile of this individual’s wounds to emphasize the extent of the explosion. 

Details: Hemingway begins the article with a descriptive paragraph of the scene at that moment. His writing style is similar to that of a play by play, making it easy for the reader to follow along. It is in this way that his article is more effective, because it puts the reader in his position. His visuals are an element to his reporting, which escalates as he delves deeper int the article by profiling the wounds of an individual.  

There is frequent dialogue in his article, which also allows the reader to better understand his story. It is notable of the way he writes using the words “you” and “I” due to the way it places the reader into the story. 

Language: The language of the story is superior and strong, causing the article to appear heavy and intended for an older and more mature audience.

Syntax: Throughout the text, it is evident that Hemingway places emphasis on his ideas by putting the most important words or phrases at the end of the sentence. He ordinarily uses repetition to make his ideas more obvious and prevalent.